Career Part II & Chess
After reading @gray's heartfelt contribution to the career discussion, I regretted my own glib remarks.
I don't think there's much point in elaborating on the path I've taken in my career if I can't synthesise a lesson or two: I don't know that catharsis is realistic in this medium, but years of therapy have made that point moot regardless. And there's far more entertaining things out there than my best efforts. Like @gray, I'm not prepared to put everything down; my family and friends (and my therapist) know, and that is enough.
Still, I think I'm equal to this challenge.
Lesson I: Protect yourself. We hear that repeated in a different context these days, but it will remain relevant whatever the state of COVID-19 et al in the future.
Three main ways I failed on this point: I over-invested in the job. I maintained boundaries and did no wrong, but, in my head, I was more emotionally invested in my client than was healthy.
(These three points are all connected. I hope I've chosen a narrative that makes sense.)
The second way was more fundamental: I didn't use basic safeguarding practice. In my defence, I was volunteering full-time in multiple roles, for multiple organisations, all in the health and social care sector, where I was completely green. No one had trained me in safeguarding. So, I was alone with this particular client, in their property, for many hours a week. And thought nothing of it. I was happy to help.
The third way relates to my ability to provide for my family more generally. I didn't consider that once I'd started working, doing so in the health and social care sector, where I continued to volunteer (in a reduced capacity, of course), would introduce a specific, serious risk: that of being barred from work, or even dismissed, based on a whole raft of potential problems in any one of my volunteering roles.
And then something did happen, and I wasn't allowed back to work for six weeks. With a two-week-old baby, and a struggling partner.
I don't think I'm suffering from hindsight bias: I do genuinely believe that there were ways I could've conducted myself to reduce the risks as outlined.
In summary, protect yourself, mentally, emotionally, physically, financially. Put yourself out there, by all means, but do so wisely, expecting the best from people, but prepared for much less than that.
Lesson II: Nothing is certain. Recent events have taken the sting out of this lesson, I feel, but, not so long ago, I went to my work at the time like very many things were certain. Chief amongst those was that the stack of paperwork I had in a filing cabinet at home outlining a very generous pension meant that I would get all of that money, and be very happy in my retirement; wealthy, in my mid-50s, with all the time in the world.
Obviously, without knowing anything else about my circumstances, you can spot problems with this statement. Reading about @gray's horrible sales experiences reminded me of the project I was assigned to manage, without proper training or resources; the details are irrelevant, but I know those eight months took years off my life, and certainly had me vomiting on more than one Sunday, dreading the week ahead.
Never mind that I (and my ex) were unhappy in our marriage, and, from all I can tell of that trajectory, would've continued to be unhappy in our retirement. And while all of the work was better than that stint as a project manager, none of it, in hindsight, was very rewarding. (And, yes, I probably am suffering from a bit of hindsight bias on that point.)
In summary, what I'm entitled to from that pension will not make me wealthy, assuming it is issued to me one day. And, more importantly, it, and the lifestyle that salary provided, did not and would not make me happy. You need to have money to live, but it's worth seriously questioning what sort of lifestyle you feel is essential to your happiness, because I find myself pleasantly surprised by how happy I am in my very different life right now.
If you've stuck with me, the title referred to one other thing I'll offload before bed: I decisively beat Stockfish Level 1 today, for only the second time. I know it isn't much, but I'm chuffed. I set myself a lockdown goal of improving my chess game — particular my mid and end games — and this is a measurable step towards that somewhat nebulous outcome.
End of Day 7
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jlj #100DaysToOffload
I'm writing this as part of the 100 Days To Offload project; join us at: https://100daystooffload.com/